The Pastor's Family: The Challenges of Family Life and Pastoral Responsibilities

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Edition: 1st
Format: Hardcover
Pub. Date: 1998-10-21
Publisher(s): Routledge
List Price: $130.00

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Summary

Describing the difficulties of balancing a career and family life, The Pastor#xE2;#xAC;"s Family: The Challenges of Family Life and Pastoral Responsibilities is a personal narrative that discusses the all-too-familiar practice of neglecting your family for your job. Pastors will learn the importance of balancing time and attention between their families and religious careers by exploring the problems caused by one pastor#xE2;#xAC;"s prolonged absence from home. Containing research and first-hand experiences, The Pastor#xE2;#xAC;"s Family calls for a change in ministry policies that will enable pastors to devote as much time to their families as they do to their congregations. Containing stories and anecdotes from the author, his wife, and his two children, this book offers suggestions on how to improve the physical, emotional, and spiritual health of a pastor#xE2;#xAC;"s family. The information and insight provided by The Pastor#xE2;#xAC;"s Family will also help pastors'wives realize that they are not alone in their demanding roles and will help church policymakers discover the need to improve relations between the congregation and the pastor#xE2;#xAC;"s family. With the hope that the universal problems of pastors'families will be revealed, the author shares with you methods that have helped bring him and his family closer together, including: understanding the expectations of the stereotypical "superpastor" and learning how to set boundaries between family life and career realizing that a pastor#xE2;#xAC;"s family is subject to the same problems and challenges other families face and helping your family deal with this pressure learning the various definitions of codependency and how this can attribute to the neglect of your family discussing the history of abuse of pastors'families through the Bible and famous religious figures recognizing the discrimination of a pastor#xE2;#xAC;"s wife and her sufferings, such as coping with her husband#xE2;#xAC;"s various psychological challenges and being expected to always help her husband with his career discovering how conflicts can provoke communication, release emotions, identify and clarify problems, and permit individualization understanding why people feel a loss of power or personal rejection when their requests are not granted Emphasizing the practice of setting boundaries, The Pastor#xE2;#xAC;"s Family examines ways to promote assertiveness through self-talk and self-differentiation that will help you defeat codependent behavior. This will teach you that it is all right to say "no"-- that it is all right to do things for yourself. From The Pastor#xE2;#xAC;"s Family, you will learn how to correct the ideology that makes many pastors feel they must honor every parishioner request, despite the effect it will have on his family. Through stories of hardship and personal revelations, this book will help you realize the need for church policy reforms that will allow pastors to be looked upon as humans who have familiesbesides their parishioners.

Table of Contents

Foreword xi(4)
Emil J. Authelet Jr., DMin
Preface xv
SECTION I: THE PASTOR AND HIS SPOUSE 3(30)
Chapter 1. "Where Is Dad?" "Where Is My Husband?"
3(12)
Pastor Abandons Family for the Ministry
3(3)
Hazards of Neglect
6(6)
Toward a New Model of Ministry
12(3)
Chapter 2. The Experience of Being a Pastor's Wife
15(8)
History and Crisis
15(4)
Diana's Story
19(2)
The Outcome of Crisis
21(2)
Chapter 3. Who Is Going to Make the Coffee?
23(10)
Role Reversal
23(1)
The Pastor's Wife As Caretaker
24(4)
Summary
28(5)
SECTION II: THE PASTOR AND HIS CHILDREN 33(18)
Chapter 4. My PKs: Their Stories
33(18)
My Life As a Preacher's Child: Daniel Aaron Langford
35(3)
My Reflections on Dan Aaron's and Deanna's Stories
38(3)
Deanna's Story
41(4)
Reflection on My Children and Our Relationship
45(6)
SECTION III: THE PASTOR AND HIS FAMILY 51(22)
Chapter 5. The Bible, Nature, Human, and Church History: Warnings and Mandates for Family Nurture
51(10)
Biblical References to the Family and Their Implications for the Pastor's Family
52(2)
The Biological Purpose of Marriage
54(1)
The Responsibility of Parenthood
55(1)
Sad Tales of Neglect
56(3)
Responsibility for Change
59(2)
Chapter 6. Treasures in Family Discontent
61(12)
A Fresh Look at Family Conflict
62(5)
Healthy Communication and the Pastor's Family
67(1)
More Freedom for the Pastor's Family
68(5)
SECTION IV: THE PASTOR AND PERSONAL RECOVERY 73(28)
Chapter 7. The Pastor and Codependency: Coming to Terms with the Dark Side of the Call to Ministry
73(12)
What Is Codependency?
75(3)
My Family of Origin
78(2)
The Army of Helpers
80(1)
From Codependence to the Love of God
81(2)
Freedom from Codependency with the Congregation
83(3)
Chapter 8. Setting Boundaries and Learning to Say "No": Benchmarks for Healthy Relationships Between the Pastor, His Family, and the Congregation
85(16)
"No" Creates Upset
86(1)
Setting Boundaries Means Becoming Comfortable with Assertive Behavior
87(5)
Limit Setting and Scripture
92(1)
How I Am Setting Limits
93(3)
The Problem of "No"
96(5)
SECTION V: THE PASTOR AND GROWTH 101(10)
Chapter 9. The Minister's Family Life: A Laboratory of Valuable Experience
101(10)
Biblical Perspectives
102(3)
How My Family Has Been a Laboratory for Personal/Pastoral Growth
105(6)
SECTION VI: THE PASTOR AND SPIRITUAL FORMATION 111(44)
Chapter 10. Spiritual Formation: Giving and Receiving Prayer
111(20)
Prologue
111(1)
A New Window of Prayer
112(2)
A New Opportunity for Prayer and Intimacy with God
114(3)
Personal Intercessors
117(4)
The Search for a Spiritual Director
121(9)
My Family and Spiritual Growth
130(1)
Chapter 11. Setbacks, Heartbreaks, and New Opportunities
131(24)
The Original Setting
131(3)
The Heat of the Desert
134(1)
A Long, Dark Night of Wandering and Loss
135(4)
A Trip That Changed Our Destiny
139(1)
Hope Frustrated Again
140(1)
Hope Renewed
141(2)
A New Opportunity for Ministry
143(4)
A Balanced Ministry and a Balanced Family
147(1)
Balance in My Marriage and Family
148(3)
A Reflection on Pastoral Ministry from the Back Pew
151(4)
Epilogue 155(2)
Notes 157(10)
Bibliography 167(4)
Index 171

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