The Essential Guide to Overcoming Obsessive Love
by Bailey, Eileen; Belton, Ph.D., MoniqueFormat: Paperback
Pub. Date: 2011-06-07
Publisher(s): DK Publishing, Inc.
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Summary
When love consumes, here's the solution. When does love become an obsession? What are the warning signs? What does it take to guard against it and prevent it from taking over one's life? A psychotherapist who specializes in this condition and a survivor of obsessive love team up to answer these questions and many others in the most current and important book on this phenomenon. With fascinating and helpful advice drawn from real-life case studies and personal experience, this expert team discusses: " The difference between healthy love and obsessive love. " The psychological and societal causes of obsessive love. " Obsessive love from both the obsessor's and the obsessee's points of view. " Proven techniques to avoid falling into the obsessive love cycle. " Concrete steps to break the cycle.
Author Biography
Monique Belton, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist specializing in relationship counseling. She works with clients coping with the emotional issues of obsessive love. Her website is: drmoniquebelton.com.
Eileen Bailey is a freelance writer and the author of The Complete Idiot's Guide(r) to Adult ADHD. Her website is: eileenbailey.com.
Eileen Bailey is a freelance writer and the author of The Complete Idiot's Guide(r) to Adult ADHD. Her website is: eileenbailey.com.
Table of Contents
| Obsessive Love | p. 1 |
| Understanding Obsessive Love | p. 3 |
| What is Obsessive Love? | p. 3 |
| Social Norms vs. Obsessive Love Behaviors | p. 5 |
| Romantic Love and Obsessive Love Similarities | p. 6 |
| Warning Signs | p. 8 |
| Fantasy Obsessions | p. 11 |
| I Want You, So You Want Me | p. 11 |
| Imaginary Relationships | p. 12 |
| The Anatomy of Obsessive Love Relationships | p. 15 |
| How Obsessive Love Develops | p. 15 |
| Romance | p. 16 |
| I'm Still an Individual | p. 17 |
| Total Obsession | p. 19 |
| After ItÆs Over | p. 20 |
| Healthy Love vs. Obsessive Love | p. 22 |
| The Stages of Healthy Relationships | p. 22 |
| Relationship Quiz | p. 24 |
| Myths About Obsessive Love | p. 27 |
| Obsessive Love is Passionate Love | p. 27 |
| Obsessive Love vs. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder | p. 30 |
| Obsessive Love Relationships and Danger | p. 31 |
| Obsessive Love and Violence | p. 32 |
| Love Addiction | p. 33 |
| Fixing Your Partner | p. 34 |
| Obsessive Love Treatment | p. 36 |
| The Obsessive Lover | p. 39 |
| Are You Obsessive? | p. 41 |
| 10 Questions to Ask Yourself | p. 41 |
| Confusing Other Emotions with Love | p. 43 |
| Security | p. 43 |
| Acceptance | p. 45 |
| Loneliness | p. 45 |
| Believing Attraction Is Love | p. 47 |
| Sex and Love | p. 48 |
| Triggers to Obsessive Love Behaviors | p. 50 |
| Obsessive Behaviors | p. 53 |
| Possessiveness Quiz | p. 53 |
| Jealousy | p. 56 |
| Control | p. 59 |
| Harassment | p. 62 |
| Phone Calls | p. 62 |
| Mail and the Internet | p. 63 |
| Drive-Bys | p. 63 |
| Unannounced Visits | p. 65 |
| Respecting Personal Boundaries | p. 66 |
| Self-Destructive Behaviors | p. 69 |
| Self-Punishment | p. 69 |
| Anger | p. 70 |
| Self-Recriminations | p. 73 |
| Dysfunction in Everyday Life | p. 74 |
| Avoiding Work | p. 74 |
| Ignoring Other Relationships | p. 75 |
| Masking Emotional Pain | p. 78 |
| The Partner of an Obsessive Lover | p. 81 |
| Is Someone Obsessed with You? | p. 83 |
| 10 Questions to Ask Yourself | p. 83 |
| Possessiveness vs. Affectionate Love | p. 85 |
| The Roller-Coaster Ride of Controlling Love | p. 87 |
| Examples of Controlling Behaviors | p. 89 |
| Coping with a Controlling Partner | p. 91 |
| Fear of Confrontation | p. 92 |
| Accepting Peace Offerings | p. 95 |
| Sex | p. 95 |
| Gifts | p. 95 |
| Identifying Contributing Behaviors | p. 97 |
| Are You Codependent? | p. 97 |
| Meeting Emotional Needs | p. 99 |
| The Need to Nurture, Save, and Help | p. 101 |
| When Both Partners Are Obsessive | p. 102 |
| Sending Mixed Messages | p. 103 |
| Making Excuses | p. 104 |
| Tolerating Excessive Behaviors | p. 105 |
| Taking the Blame | p. 106 |
| Reasons Partners Stay | p. 107 |
| Fear | p. 107 |
| Low Self-Esteem | p. 108 |
| Finances and Children | p. 109 |
| Cultural and Religious Reasons | p. 109 |
| Breaking Up | p. 111 |
| Is There a Best Way to Break Up? | p. 111 |
| Preparing for the Breakup | p. 112 |
| Talking to Your Partner | p. 114 |
| Letting Go Slowly | p. 115 |
| What to Expect | p. 117 |
| Depression | p. 117 |
| Self-Destructive Behaviors | p. 119 |
| Promises to Change | p. 120 |
| Stalking and Violence | p. 121 |
| How to Cope | p. 121 |
| Missing Your Obsessive Partner | p. 122 |
| Accepting Change | p. 123 |
| Explore Your Own Interests | p. 124 |
| Take Care of Yourself | p. 125 |
| Managing Finances on Your Own | p. 127 |
| When Obsessive Partners are Financially Abusive | p. 127 |
| Joint Assets | p. 130 |
| Gathering Information | p. 130 |
| Dividing Property | p. 131 |
| Dividing Debt | p. 132 |
| Taking Responsibility for Your Own Finances | p. 133 |
| Budgeting | p. 133 |
| Tips for Staying on a Budget | p. 135 |
| Planning for the Future | p. 137 |
| When You Have Children | p. 139 |
| Talking to Your Children | p. 139 |
| Teaching Children about Healthy Relationships | p. 140 |
| Tips for Helping Your Children Cope | p. 141 |
| Should You Stay for the Children? | p. 143 |
| Separation or Divorce and Children | p. 144 |
| When Children Are Used as Pawns | p. 145 |
| Communicating with Your Partner | p. 147 |
| Freedom from Obsessive Love | p. 151 |
| How Self-Image Influences Relationships | p. 153 |
| For Obsessive Lovers | p. 154 |
| Creating a New Self-Image | p. 154 |
| Self-Image Inventory | p. 155 |
| Steps to Improving Self-Image | p. 157 |
| For Partners of Obsessive Lovers | p. 159 |
| Accessing Your Strengths and Weaknesses | p. 160 |
| Changing Your Attitude | p. 161 |
| Counseling and Therapy | p. 165 |
| Psychotherapy | p. 165 |
| Finding the Causes of Obsession | p. 167 |
| Thoughts vs. Feelings | p. 169 |
| Changing Behaviors | p. 170 |
| Conflict Resolution | p. 171 |
| Anger Management | p. 171 |
| Problem-Solving Techniques | p. 173 |
| Couples Counseling vs. Individual Counseling | p. 175 |
| Measuring Progress | p. 177 |
| For Obsessive Lovers: Breaking the Cycle | p. 179 |
| Coming to Terms with Your Role | p. 179 |
| Accepting Accountability | p. 180 |
| Making a Commitment to Change | p. 182 |
| Learning Balance | p. 185 |
| Understanding Compromise | p. 188 |
| For Partners of Obsessive Lovers: Finding Love on Your Own Terms | p. 191 |
| Breaking Emotional Ties | p. 192 |
| Reconnecting with Friends and Relatives | p. 195 |
| Future Relationships | p. 198 |
| What Went Wrong Last Time? | p. 198 |
| Setting Boundaries | p. 199 |
| Making Changes in Your Present Relationship | p. 202 |
| Self-Help Exercises | p. 205 |
| Writing | p. 205 |
| Noticing Your Behavior | p. 206 |
| Finding Patterns | p. 208 |
| Remembering What Really Happened | p. 209 |
| Letters to Yourself | p. 210 |
| Affirmations | p. 212 |
| Changing Your Thoughts | p. 213 |
| Rewording Self-Talk | p. 213 |
| Stopping Obsessive Thoughts | p. 214 |
| Self-Discovery | p. 215 |
| Who You Are | p. 216 |
| Who You Want to Be | p. 217 |
| Support Groups | p. 218 |
| When Obsessive Love Becomes Dangerous | p. 221 |
| Stalking and Domestic Violence | p. 223 |
| Stalking | p. 223 |
| Stalking in Obsessive Fantasy Relationships | p. 224 |
| When a Previous Partner Is Stalking You | p. 226 |
| Tools Stalkers Use | p. 227 |
| Gifts, Notes, and Other Communication | p. 227 |
| Vandalism | p. 228 |
| Surveillance | p. 228 |
| Violence or Threats of Violence | p. 228 |
| Cyberstalking | p. 229 |
| Domestic Violence | p. 230 |
| Physical Abuse | p. 231 |
| Sexual Abuse | p. 232 |
| Emotional or Psychological Abuse | p. 232 |
| Economic Abuse | p. 233 |
| Early Warning Signs | p. 234 |
| Protecting Yourself from Stalkers | p. 237 |
| Reducing Your Risks at Home | p. 238 |
| Home Security | p. 238 |
| Don't Divulge Personal Information | p. 240 |
| Staying Safe When Out and About | p. 241 |
| Be Aware of Your Surroundings | p. 241 |
| Change Your Routine | p. 242 |
| Say No | p. 242 |
| Self -Defense Classes | p. 243 |
| Finding Support | p. 243 |
| Domestic Violence Shelters | p. 243 |
| Religious Institutions | p. 245 |
| Building a Case | p. 247 |
| What Constitutes a Crime? | p. 247 |
| Stalking Laws | p. 247 |
| What Is Harassment? | p. 248 |
| Laws for Domestic Violence | p. 249 |
| Contacting the Police | p. 250 |
| Filing a Report | p. 251 |
| Writing a Statement | p. 252 |
| Documents You Need | p. 253 |
| Keep a Log | p. 254 |
| Save Gifts, Notes, or Other Communication | p. 255 |
| Finding Information | p. 256 |
| Using the Law to Protect Yourself | p. 259 |
| The Court System | p. 259 |
| Orders of Protection | p. 259 |
| Violating an Order of Protection | p. 261 |
| Civil Complaints | p. 262 |
| Do I Need an Attorney? | p. 263 |
| When You Cannot Afford an Attorney | p. 265 |
| Questions to Ask | p. 266 |
| Places to Find a Lawyer | p. 268 |
| Appendixes | |
| Glossary | p. 271 |
| Resources | p. 277 |
| References | p. 283 |
| Index | p. 289 |
| Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved. |
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